How To Deal With Conflict

The Scriptures have much to say about anger as a human emotion. God Himself demonstrates anger at times but even His anger can be redemptive. In His anger He did not sin. The Bible offers many wise instructions about how anger can be managed. While anger in itself can be a healthy emotion, how we manage our anger can either be destructive or an opportunity to grow in ourselves and in our relationships. How can we learn and grow from this to avoid the “root of bitterness” that may cause further trouble and defile many? (Hebrews 12:15)

Read: Ephesian 4:26-32

Other references: Matthew 5:21-24, Proverbs 15:1 & 16:32, Colossians 3:12-14, Psalms 30:5 & 103:8-9.

Discuss

1. Take a moment to reflect, what offends you the most? Reflecting on the reasons why we are offended can reveal our values, attitudes and self-esteem. How does this understanding help us grow in character?
2. What damage can be caused to those affected by an angry person? What can be the damage to a person who is angry? Discuss why Ephesians 4:27 is so important.
3. Anger is often managed one of three ways:
   -Suppression: Being aware of the anger but bottling it up, possibly due to circumstances or the inability to give appropriate expression to it.
   – Repression: Being angry but in denial or unable to process it. Eventually the anger is expressed through other avenues or events.
   – Expression: Being unrestrained and giving vent to emotion, despite the collateral damage to others.
   Have you been on the receiving end of any of these forms of anger? How did it make you feel? Is there one style of anger above that you relate to for yourself?
4. Why is confession to God a better way to manage anger? When we open our heart and emotions to God, either negative or positive, it is an honest expression of truth. Share your experiences of how private confession has helped you in the past. How might this assist us to relate better to others too?
5. In 2 Corinthians 10:5, Paul talks about “taking captive every thought.” What do you think that means? How would it stop us from sinning when we become angry?
6. Undoing the damage caused by anger is rarely easy and just saying sorry is never enough. Why? Share an experience where saying sorry did not fix the problem.
7. Read Ephesians 4:29-32 and Colossians 3:12-14. How do these passages offer ways to repair the damage unrestrained anger can cause? What practical steps have worked for you in healing a broken situation caused by unrestrained anger?
8.  

   Respond

   To resolve conflict and initiate healing from an angry outburst, Pastor Dale suggests asking the other person the simple question, “What just happened?” Seek to understand the other person’s perspective and listen respectfully and graciously without defending yourself. Then seek to share how you felt and what you understood. In all circumstances, seek to express kindness, compassion, gentleness, patience, humility, respect, a listening ear, and forgiveness. If you become “angry without cause” towards another person, take time to repent. Who is one person you could seek to restore a relationship with this coming week?

   Outreach

   Father’s Day is coming up on September 3. What can your LifeGroup do to make this an outreach opportunity? For example, can you invite friends to the Crossway Car Show on Saturday September 2, then invite them to church afterwards?

   Download PDF

Life-changing Forgiveness

From the beginning of time, people have had disagreements and have struggled to resolve interpersonal conflict. The Bible is littered with damaged and broken relationships, from Cain and Abel to Paul and Barnabas. The ugly reality of our broken nature is exposed in its raw form in scripture. Jesus offers us a solution to resolve these times of challenge: forgiveness. Forgiveness is never an easy path, but ultimately, it is the only way that offers freedom from the bondage of bitterness and resentment that ensues when we are unwilling to forgive.

Read: Matthew 18:21-35, Genesis 4:24, Ephesians 4:30-32.

Discuss

1. Why is forgiveness hard? What are some of the barriers that stop us from forgiving others?
2. Read Ephesians 4:30-32. Are there any benefits from practicing forgiveness that you have experienced in your own life? Share with the group.
3. What other Bible verses can you find that speak about the need and benefits of forgiveness?
4. To forgive is an act of power for the person who is hurt. How is this so? Discuss.
5. When we refuse to forgive another person, bitterness and resentment can build up in our hearts. Why is unforgiveness such a burden to carry? What can be further consequences of this?
6. Is forgiveness always necessary? What happens if we chose not to forgive someone else?
7. How can we find strength and courage to forgive those who have wronged us deeply, especially if they are not sorry for their actions/words against us?

Respond

Jesus made it clear that we are to forgive others, just as he has forgiven us. Take a moment to think of a person that you need to offer foregiveness to. What is one practical step you can take in order to start the process and begin to cultivate an attitude of love, kindness, patience and understanding towards this person ? Commit to taking this step this week.

Dress From God’s Wardrobe

IMPORTANT NOTE

This study touches on family and domestic violence. If you are experiencing this or need to discuss it further, here are a few ways to get professional help:

Crossway LifeCare 9886 3899 crosswaylifecare.org.au

1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732 National service providing free family violence and sexual violence counselling over the phone, as well as information and support. Both victim-survivors and people supporting someone affected by family violence can call.

Safe Steps 1800 015 188 Crisis family violence support, available 24/7.

The Orange Door 1800 354 322 (Inner Eastern Melbourne) 1800 271 150 (Outer Eastern Melbourne) Local support, available Monday to Friday, 9am – 5pm. Feel free to call the pastoral team if this topic raises concerns for you personally. Dear Life Group Leaders, please be wise and sensitive to the Holy Spirit as you lead this study. God bless you.

Introduction

Isaiah 61:10 says, “I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness”; and in Colossians, Paul speaks of being dressed in compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength and discipline. And yet, with the challenges and stresses of life, we risk carrying ‘gunk’, which may be unfairly dumped on our loved ones in unhealthy and even abusive ways.

Read: Colossians 3:7-14

Discuss

1. Pastor Mark suggests that we are prone to “dump the gunk from our lives on those we love most.” Why do we have a tendency to do this? What may assist us to prevent this from happening?
2. Read Colossians 3:7, “You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.” What does ‘life you once lived’ mean? Does it mean that everyone has the issues listed in verse 8 – “anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips”?
3. Are there any specific examples of behaviours mentioned in Colossians 3:8 that have been difficult for you to deal with? What might be a better way to respond to that specific behaviour?
4. Read Colossians 3:12. What do we need to clothe ourselves with? What often hinders you from applying this?
5. The faith community is not immune to family and domestic violence, and it is an issue that we may find difficult to speak up about.How can we better equip ourselves – as individuals, couples, families or as a group – to support people in this situation? What can we change to improve this?
6. Read Colossians 3:15-17 in The Message translation. What does a house filled with the Word of Christ look like? What do you need to do to take a step closer to this?

Respond

What are some practical steps that believers can take to ensure we are living according to this teaching when it comes to preventing or responding to domestic and/or family violence? Is there any personal value change that needs to be addressed for you personally? Pray together.

Several professional helps for men using violence:

Embracing Intimacy

Introduction

The act of lust reduces its object to a commodity. Unfortunately, women are too often viewed and presented as objects of lust in our culture. Jesus told us to put away lust and temptation, but this requires more than will power. We must protect our mind and guard our heart – but only Jesus can change a heart – if we give Him access to it. One effective key is to never stand alone. We need to be vulnerable and accountable with trustworthy people. This kind of vulnerability is not a weakness but takes courage. Another effective strategy (for those who are married) is to grow your marriage by putting each other first, learning to find the most generous explanation when your spouse does something you don’t understand, and learning from your failures. We need to give God access to our heart.

Read: Matthew 5:27-30

Discuss

1. How do we explain Matthew 5:28 in a modern world? How can this be practically achieved now?
2. What does Matthew 5:29-30 tell us about the importance of our mind?
3. How can we win this battle in our mind? How can you control what you think?
4. How should we to talk to our children or the younger generation about sex? Share your experiences or methods of doing so.
5. After hearing this week’s sermon, describe ‘vulnerability’ in your own words. Discuss how being vulnerable can be part of the solution, and why not being prepared to be vulnerable can be a problem.
6. Have you ever experienced being vulnerable with a friend? What was it like?
7. Based on Pastor Tim’s sermon, discuss practical steps people can take to improve their marriage or relationship with others.

Respond

Consider one thing you can change this week to give God better access to your heart. What is that one thing?